I’ve been meaning to take time to sit down and write a little about being in the hospital with Gwyneth during her first 10 days of life.
It was an emotional experience, struggling to make the ongoing decision to trust Gwyn’s life into God’s hands or to worry and mentally rush ahead to how I would handle all the ‘what if’s’.
Truthfully I did both, but learned I couldn’t do both simultaneously.
Only during times of completely trusting was I able to find peace, even if I didn’t like the situation.
Days leading up to her birth I felt God bringing to mind the concept of “open hands”, to not tightly hold onto people and how I want everything to be, which is what I’m best at! But to hold my baby girl with open hands and entrust her fully to Him.
Sure enough I came back to this concept repeatedly while at the hospital and am still having to choose to trust my children’s lives to the One who gave them, knowing He is good, faithful, and in control.
I still have my struggles with fear, I also know others go through so much worse or it seems like everything turns out wrong for them.
All I know is when I told God I trusted His choice because I trusted in His supreme love for us I found peace.
I pray you too can come to a place of rest by finding the peace He has specifically for you, regardless of what circumstances you find yourself wrestling with.
July is turning out to be especially eventful, starting from day 1 with our baby Gwyneth being born.
I’ll spare you long stories, suffice it to say God has been good, sustaining our family and providing sufficient cushion for bumps along the road.
So hospital stays, getting rear ended, finding lots of mold in our place, (to name a few challenges) have not fallen on us without grace to know God is always in control.
In learning to be less controlling when you relinquish your plan to God, a new peace says that’s how it’s suppose to be. But sometimes it takes being pushed beyond our limits to concede this truth.
Which I suppose makes me okay, if not glad in hindsight, for seemingly unfortunate times.
We also have much to celebrate.
And that’s my little version of an update after a couple months of it being quiet around here.
“We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety; this is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears.
Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed.” – A. W. Tozer (The Pursuit of God)
I thought this quote was fitting as a new year stretches before us with all of its unknowns. What most of us fear for or get anxious about are our loved ones and their safety. How true that there’s no better way than to commit our treasures to God, this year and always.
I know 2013 will bring inward peace and authentic joy to any of us who choose to pursue God. He’ll manifest Himself to us as we learn of Him.
“The angels have gone to bed
Their soft hair,
Their bright eyes,
Their little footsteps,
Still dance in our head,
Presents wait unopened
But the angels have gone on to bed,
Until Heaven’s spring comes,
When every box,
Every long awaited gift is finally seen
Oh, this long, long night
With its cruel winter sting
Their warmth is what we need
All is not lost in the world,
Their light is not blotted out by the dark,
The angels have gone to bed
To keep vigil over earth’s hurting,
Always to shine with Heaven’s light,
Making all broken hearts bright”
(For Sandy Hook Elementary School — December 14, 2012)